When is it OK to Argue?

The first question we have to ask is, What is the highest good? To bring glory to God, and share His Word with others. Volumes have already been written to show how to do these two things, so I will leave that to them for the moment. Suffice it to say that all things must fit under these two huge umbrella concepts.

Some people are more inclined to argue than others, due in large part to the individual's comfort level with conflict. Your counterpart's comfort level with conflict is one of the most important considerations as to when arguing is OK. Consider the exhortation from God's Word to count others as more significant than yourself, and to look to others' interests (Philippians 2:4,3).

Truth is underrated. Remember that helpful phrase: "All truth is God's truth"? It's true. All truths can be monumentally important, given certain contexts.

Example 1: Two people sometimes argue about trivialities like what the exact lyrics to a song written 30 years ago are. However, if knowing the correct answer wins $10,000...

Example 2: If a certain fact is very important to Bob, and he beats Mike over the head with it, Bob is now rejecting Philippians 2:3. However, Mike is also rejecting this passage if he trivializes what Bob believes to be very important.

Example 3: Bob believes that when families do not vaccinate, they put other children at great risk. Mike believes vaccinating children puts them at unnecessary risk. John isn't sure about the risks/benefits of vaccinating, but he believes that mandating vaccinations puts everybody's liberty at great risk.

Example 4: Bob believes people around the world are better off by bringing Democracy to their countries, but Mike believes those same people are better off left to private means of help. This is a matter of life and death in most cases.

We could go on to list hundreds, even thousands of important issues about which people argue. To suggest that people should "stop arguing" is simplistic to the point of foolishness. Many of the people who discuss these things are doing so because they believe they are protecting their families. There is not much that is more important than that. (Whether or not they are protecting their families is another truth to seek!)

When I was growing up, my mother would often point out to me that relationships are more important than being right. There is profound truth in that phrase, and I need to heed the truth of it. However, there is also a substantial flaw. Relationships are more important than making sure the other person always knows where he/she is wrong, but relationships are not more important than truth.

I Corinthians 13 states that a lack of love renders all wisdom, knowledge, spiritual gifts, and even great sacrifice and faith, virtually useless.* When we disagree with someone, this should be our first consideration, and it should spill into every moment of out thoughts.

It would be a mistake, however, to think that this replaces truth.

*It is the person who possesses the gifts listed in the first three verses, but who lacks love, who is nothing. Paul does not say that it is the gifts themselves, nor even the use of them, that is worthless, even when love is absent.